Are you putting the Law of Reciprocity to work for you?

Want to improve your relationships? Use the power of reciprocity to build trust, and enhance your work, family, and social relationships.

Rule for Reciprocation:

"One of the most potent of the weapons of influence around us is the rule for reciprocation. The rule says that we should try to repay, in kind, what another person has provided us."

Reciprocation flows from Divine Law that can neither be ignored or put aside. Perhaps, the most important of these laws is the law of love” Put simply, "Love is Law, Law is Love. God is Love, Love is God." This amounts to the same thing as "the gift of giving" without the "hope of reward or pay," or serving others. This 'law of love' is identified in many different ways this law of love in the workplace is described as the "law of reciprocity."

The law of reciprocity is not what can best be described as "transactional reciprocity”. Many people conceive of their business dealings as spot market exchanges--value given for value received, period. Nothing more, nothing less. This tit-for-tat mode of operation can produce success, but it doesn't invoke the power of reciprocity and so fails to yield extraordinary success."

Reciprocity is a basis of trust and a basis for legitimate power. People state The Law of Reciprocity in many forms. "I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine." "You reap what you sow." "You get what you give." These laws can be used well with the giving of corporate gifts. The giving of gifts is an acknowledgement of the time for an appointment, or thank you for business etc.

The principle is that others will reciprocate in kind based upon the way you treat them. The world gives you what you give to the world.

Social psychologists use the term "idiosyncrasy credits" that result from the favorable impressions we make on others. These credits accumulate and you can cash them in for favors or to get others to do things for us.

Stephen Covey, author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, uses the phrase "emotional bank account" to describe the principle of reciprocity and the corresponding credit-withdrawal process in relationships. Using the metaphor of a financial bank account, the emotional bank account describes the trust that accumulates in a relationship. Like the financial bank account, you must make deposits before you can make withdrawals.

You should note eight important points regarding The Law of Reciprocity:

1. People expect repayment over time. This is based upon the idea of social exchange. Reciprocity is an implicit assumption in most of our relationships. Giving and receiving favors is a common exchange. When someone does something for you, they implicitly expect that when the circumstance is right, you will do something of approximately equal value for them. For example, if your neighbor helps you put up a fence, your neighbor will expect you to help them when they put up a fence or need other assistance with their home. If you cover for someone at work, you expect that they will cover for you when you need their help.

2. Acts must be mutually rewarding. A successful relationship requires that all parties benefit from the relationship and invest in the relationship. Even when one party might be the primary giver, they still often have the expectation that they will receive in kind—if not from the other party then from the world at another time. If you are going to give a corporate gift, make sure that it is of nature that it can be used and will be appreciated.

3. Deposits don’t simply accumulate. The value of the deposits can increase or decrease over time. People may forget or ignore small deposits. People may remember big favors, large deposits or large gifts for longer periods. The value of deposits is what the other person perceives the value to be.

4. You can go in the red. You can wipe out your account with a single withdrawal. If you don’t have a large accumulation of credits, or you make a very large withdrawal, or you make many small withdrawals, you can go in the red.

5. You make deposits or receive credits by making favorable impressions on others—by doing things for them. You make deposits through courtesy, kindness, honesty, respect, gifts and other favors. The favors are often small, but they accumulate over time as your relationship blossoms. The deposits build trust and create a history of what the parties involved in the relationship expect from each other.

6. A history of reciprocity promotes trust. People evaluate your actions and motives based upon their perceptions of your previous actions and motives. If you are consistent in your corporate gift giving there is also a level of trust that the relationship has meaning to you and that you will consistency service this client.

7. Reciprocity is a very powerful form of power. The expectation of giving and returning gifts and favors creates an obligation to stick to agreements. This is a very powerful and psychologically binding expectation. Although they may never discuss the expectation openly, it is there and affects negotiations and relationships.

8. Reciprocity can be both positive and negative. If you harm others, they may seek revenge or retribution. People want to make things even in a relationship. They want to do good for those who have treated them well. They want to do harm to those who have harmed them.

By understanding and using the power of reciprocity, you can improve your relationships and avoid mistakes that can permanently damage your relationships. In life and work, you get what you give. Take for example when you are working on your corporate giftcorporate gift has tarnished the relationship. strategy. If you give branded wine to a person who is a recovering alcoholic or who has religious objections to alcohol, then the

The lesson is that we cannot pursue the power of reciprocity. When we try to invoke reciprocity directly, we lose sight of the reason for it: helping others. Paradoxically, it is in helping others without expecting reciprocity in return that we invoke the power of reciprocity. The path to reciprocity is indirect: reciprocity ensues from the social capital built by making contributions to others.

The deliberate pursuit of reciprocity fails, just like the pursuit of happiness. Acts of contribution, big and small, build your fund of social capital, creating a vast network of reciprocity. And so those who help you may not be those you help. The help you receive may come from distant corners of your network.